We start believing in better...

Note to self…

dont talk.

ill never let you know how much you mean to me. 

Ayoooooo

i hate tumblr. i miss my friends. i hate how money stresses me out. i hate that im not content. i hate that I’m misguided, i hate that i don’t know where i am going in life. But im still happy :D haha 

Matt

I get people asking why me and matt aren’t friends anymore….

Ive been best friends with matt since i was 14. I was with him more than anyone else until recently. I think it’s safe to say we both started to grow up and grow apart. We began to develop opposing beliefs and started doing things that bothered each other. We both grew up together and Matt started seeing change in me, as did I in him. We soon started to put our friendship second and eventually we both got hurt. Without going into detail I broke his trust and began to rely less on him and pushed him away. Matt began doing things that I strongly disagreed on which made me question the brother I chose for myself. I think we both knew things were different as the time came to move away for University. We had previously been distant due to me moving further and further away because of family problems. Once I moved to Southampton we both became lazy and our friendship wasn’t as strong anymore and we both stopped caring. I let him down a number of times. He became controlling. 

After a big argument escalated we both agreed to stop being friends and move on in life without each other. 

I say Matt is dead because the boy who acted like a brother to me, the boy who helped me through literally everything in my life, from my family, to my own issues is no longer there. I don’t want people to think we hate each other, because we don’t. I have best friends but no one will ever compare to him, to put it shortly, and without mentioning why. I wouldn’t even be alive without him. Yes, I miss him. But I don’t regret anything I’ve said and done, and I hope he doesn’t either because if none of this happened I wouldn’t appreciate it. ANYWAY! Here’s a picture of what reminds me of the good times! Peace off. 

Nobody, Not Even The Rain

I know that someday you’ll be sleeping, Darling, likely dreaming off the pain.

I hope you’ll hear me in the streetlight’s humming, softly breathing out your name.

I know that even with the seams stitched tightly, darling scars will remain.

I say we scrape them from each other, darling, and let them wash off in the rain.

And when they run into the river, oh no, let the water not complain.

I swear that even with the distance, slowly wearing at your name, 

Your hands still catch the light the right way and

Our hearts still beat the same.